0 Life, Death, and Getting Caught Up...

Last week my grandfather was abruptly hospitalized. He died Wednesday night, at the age of 93. I haven't processed this loss, in part because we now live so far away that I haven't seen family in a few years. Moving was a good thing for us, but it does weaken links to family and friends left behind.

I don't want to post much about my grandfather. He was good man and I couldn't write anything adequate. He was the quiet calm in my father's family. Loyal, honest, and caring. Nothing meant more to him than family — and you didn't need to be related by blood to be in his family.

It has been an exhausting few weeks and a tiring year. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to keep the blogs updated.

This year, we've experienced a few difficult moments. My wife had her first-ever minor surgeries (plural, because we never do anything half-way), our little Muttly died of cancer (third cat to die of cancer in the two years we've lived here), I switched jobs, and there have been other stressors.

In the coming weeks, I'll be checking items off the to-do list and trying to return to a predictable, comfortable, schedule.

Detail: Life, Death, and Getting Caught Up...

0 Less Stress Ahead

There was simply too much change in the last two years, and lots of stress. I changed jobs — and am on the job market again. We moved — twice. We lost our dear friends J.C. Kitty and Mimi, each passing while we were moving, not even a full year apart. We dealt with flooding and lots of tree branches. My health was its usual adventure, which added to my exhaustion and stress.

Finally, as 2012 nears an end, things are starting to feel a bit more organized and sane. Even looking for a new job is less stressful than the first post-graduate hunt because I know we are staying in our new house, in a little Western Pennsylvania township I like a lot. It's a nice place to live, reminding me of the foothills back in Central California — except these hills are green!

It appears my wife and I will be able to sell our first Pennsylvania house thanks to a decent market here. If the house sells before Christmas, as seems likely, it will be a huge relief to us.

Moving was stressful enough, as it is for everyone, but that house didn't agree with me or the furry kids. Our new house is, for many reasons, simply better for us. The new house still doesn't feel like "home" but it should in a year or two as we finish the major projects. The first house wasn't going to feel "right" without a substantial investment and lots of effort. It could be a great house, understand, but it needed a new kitchen, new driveway, and several significant updates to make me comfortable. We were living in the office, where we worked, watched television, and spend most of our time.

We did a good job fixing up the house to sell it. It looks much better than when we moved into the house. But, the kitchen alone was reason to consider another move.

I like our bigger, newer kitchen. We do something unusual: we cook our meals at home. No, we don't prepare gourmet meals, but at least we try to eat at home far more than the national norm. The kitchen needs space to prepare meals. We have blenders, mixers, food processors, and lots of gadgets. When two people are in the kitchen, a little space matters. Making cookies was difficult in a kitchen without counter space.

The new house feels better to me because it is so roomy. We used to live in a 700-square foot apartment. That was tough because there wasn't room for anything. Our kitchen was our office. There were two bikes in my small bedroom, along with a computer desk. We somehow survived in a space that felt more like a self-storage locker than a household.

After living in an 1128-square foot house in urban Minneapolis, I knew I needed space. Now, we have lots of space. There's still some clutter until we get the spaces organized and some basic furniture, but there is room in the new house for us, the cats, our books, and our home office equipment.

Next spring, we plan to start landscaping projects. That will make the house feel more like ours. I liked what we did in Minneapolis, though the yard was small and we should have made the planing beds much wider. I look forward to flowers, ornamental grasses, and some small trees. I also hope we can terrace the yard, making several planting beds for different types of gardens.

It feels good to know we have a clear plan and place we can call home.

Having a "normal life" is a good thing.

Detail: Less Stress Ahead

0 Long, Exhausting Night

Cats, I am told, are like two-year-old children. Last night was one of those long nights with one sick and one demanding kid, then.

My wife is visiting family in California and I am ill-equipped at the moment to deal with extra stress. I believe it is because the start of this school year is reminding me of last year — so I am already anxious.

I did okay last summer because I was focused on the new job and things hadn't yet started to spiral out of control. Then, J.C. Kitty passed away, the house flooded, and my workplace became more complex than I could anticipate. Add to that a string of health issues and my ability to manage alone withered away under stress. A few months into the school year and I needed extra help managing the household.

Last night, about 11 p.m., Mutt was sick. Very sick. He needed a bath, the bed comforter had to be changed… and then he was sick again. Another bath.

At the same time, his brother Alex was demanding food, but finding none of the choices I offered acceptable. I placed five different samples of cat food in bowls and hoped for the best. Instead, Mutt rushed to each the food while I was cleaning the bedroom. So, you can guess what happened.

Misty Kitty went into hiding following Mutt's next major problem. I'll spare the details. The stench was horrific. I had to clean a wall, the carpets, and give Mutt yet another full-body bath. This time, he was bathed in the master bathroom's huge soaking tub. Mutt has a distinctive cry, which ensured the other three cats sought shelter in what we call the "Craft Room" (or "Pumpkin's Room"). Misty went under the sewing table, Alex under the sheets, and PK hid under my writing desk.

Mutt did his best to avoid me, his wet fur making him look even angrier.

The cleaning resumed, followed by Alex having an acid stomach and more cleaning.

By the time I went to bed, it was 5:30 this morning. But, I was up by 8:30 thanks to Alex and Mutt demanding food. Thankfully, Alex decided to eat this morning.

Giving cat baths, cleaning up after them, and dealing with their picky food demands has left me exhausted.

As I write this post, Alex is next to me on the big bed, Mutt is at my feet, and Misty is in a laundry basket. I can hear Pumpkin wandering the house. So, at 1:30 in the afternoon, everything is finally quiet and relaxed.

I'm going to get some writing done while I can.

Detail: Long, Exhausting Night

0 Surgery Monday and Catching Up

I have minor surgery on Monday to address a problem that has been recurring for several years. A few years ago, the problem made Christmas a bit complicated — I was planning to get my wife a gift and ended up in the hospital that day. This year, I'll be having surgery the day before a guest arrives to stay with us for a few days.

My wife and I need things to settle down for a few weeks so we can gather ourselves and relax. Neither of us has a "laid back" personality. We are both perfectionists. We both feel like we are always falling behind, even while we finish tasks ahead of colleagues. Being a perfectionist is hard work and emotionally draining.

Surgery comes right as I'm dealing with some issues at work. It also comes as we are trying to fix up our existing house enough to put it on the market next summer. There always seems to be more to do than is possible, but that's because we think of everything as important.

I want the classes I teach to be "perfect" in terms of content and delivery. I don't want anything to go wrong that could be considered a result of my teaching or planning. I want my websites, blogs, and other projects to have that same perfect content and flawless planning, no matter how impossible that is. Reports I have to prepare for work? The columns I write for publication? All have to be perfect or I feel horrible.

Yet, life isn't perfect. I realize that, and so does my wife. But we worry about things. We both worry and we both tell each other not to worry.

We worry about our jobs, though we have good jobs. We worry about money, though we are are financially more secure than 97% of Americans.

We don't seem to relax well. We even plan our relaxation.

Following surgery, I'll feel like I have to make up for lost time. It has been lost time all semester, granted, since I've been sick with bronchitis, anemia, and some other issues. I'll be stressed because there is so much to do, while the stress and worry will make it harder to finish the tasks.

The key will be reminding myself that I need to work slowly and steadily to get back on track. The books I wanted to finish writing? They will have to wait. The programming ideas? The website updates? All will have to wait until I feel better. Some things will be months late. That's just how this year and next will be.

I wish we didn't take things so seriously, but that's also why we are both hard workers and good employees. If we could relax, we wouldn't be us.

Detail: Surgery Monday and Catching Up

0 Moving (Again) and Home Owner Stress

We will be moving again in April, if things go according to plan. This will be our fourth move in the last five to six years. That might not sound like a lot of moving, but moving is stressful for everyone and extra stressful for two people with a need for order and routines.

Moving is a lousy experience. Things get damaged, misplaced, and general disorder reigns. We lost four desks in moves, including two I really liked. We were never compensated for those loses, either, with bothers me. I end up attached to desks (and other things). Desks are where we work. I write at my desks and they become part of my routine. I still have the desk my family purchased for me in high school (if not earlier — I cannot recall).

After we move, I do plan to replace both my computer and writing desks with a single desk. Sure, it won't be perfect, but I want to consolidate my work area. Plus, I want space for a scanner and other things I use frequently. (I like to scan books and documents for the text recognition.)

This move ideally will eliminate a great deal of home ownership stress. The house we initially purchased has quite a few little issues that need to be repaired. It could be a wonderful house. If we had endless funds available, I would consider paying to have many of the issues fixed because I love the neighborhood. However, I don't love it enough to pay what we would for a new house.

The new house is being built about 1.8 miles from the house we own now. It's also on a lot that is only slightly smaller (0.40 acre). Because it is near a large regional park, the smaller lot won't matter so much.

Moving two miles shouldn't be horrible, right? We can move a lot of the little things ourselves. There are things we cannot move, from the laundry appliances to our beds, but I'm hoping we can do so much that it only requires one trip by professional movers in a small truck.

I want this to be the last move we make for many years. That was the ideal with this house! I don't want to be moving again until I'm done teaching full-time at the university. Then, I want to retire back to the Southwest.

The new house is now the "goal" that keeps me from total meltdown in the current house. There are so many little things that the house is emotionally exhausting. A new house won't be perfect, but we also won't be dealing with constant water issues in the basement. The new driveway will be concrete; it won't wash away during storms. My wife and I will have separate offices in the new house, too, so I won't bother her while she's trying to work.

The new bathroom in the master bath is a major benefit to me. It will have a "soaking bath" and separate shower with a seat. Sometimes, I need to soak in water. Some autistic adults suggest water is soothing; I appreciate warm water because I have a bad back and some other issues. The shower is nice when you're in a hurry, but a bath is much nicer.

Moving at the end of my first year teaching in a new university position will be stressful, too. My employee review is at the end of the year, as I try to earn tenure, there are final student projects in April, and much more will be happening. But, moving is going to be a good thing. It can't be any worse than the stress of this house.

Detail: Moving (Again) and Home Owner Stress